Community Theatre

This weekend was our last round of Bashaw performances of Beauty and the Beast. It went really well. We had amazing audiences and the whole cast really put their best forward.   I sort of randomly fell into community theatre, but have loved it since I did. 

As the years have gone on and I have done more and more productions there has been a side of me that slowly has emerged. I have really taken a liking to having a 'character'.  In the first few plays I was mortified at the thought of having any form of a spoken line, or worse yet singing one!  As time has gone on it's really changed for me. I found that I was starting to feel like maybe I could do what others did. Maybe I could actually have a…gasp…role!  And in the last few plays I have, I mustered up some courage did my auditions and got some small parts that have been a lot of fun. 

I was reflecting tonight on how this happened. The thought pranced through my mind as I watched Bryan (a good family friend) up on stage singing his part. Bryan is probably one of the last people you would ever expect to be in community theatre. I remember doing ensemble parts with him where he would stand behind me and lip sync (or so he claims, I think I heard a squeak or two) and now the guy is up there with solo songs. I watched him and thought this guy is a town councillor, business owner, regular (don't worry Bryan I still think you are special not just regular but I need to get my point across) kind of a guy. But seriously the guy shines up there. He continues to blow people away. 

I used to think that it was simply only my Aunty Lori's direction that really brought out the best in everyone. Here is my disclaimer, she really does do this. She has a natural gift for helping people to have confidence and truly believing they can nail their role. BUT…it's not just her. 

In watching Bryan up there I realized it's someone like him who made me realize I could do it.  And not just him but so many others.  I have watched so many people get on stage and just come alive. I have seen people from my community who have not always had an easy time and just shine. And as I watch them you see all of the good just come flooding from them. I remember realizing that I could have it to. That these people were so brave and willing to step up that I was overwhelmed by the notion that I could be like them. 

This was hard for me. I generally do not like being in the spotlight. I'm usually a behind the scenes kind of a gal. 

Anyway. My point in all this is that I am so thankful for the family that our community theatre has created. It's not one person who makes it special, it's not one person who brings out the good, it truly is a community effort. On show days when energy is high and everyone has truly just come together it is an amazing feeling.  And one that I will forever be thankful for. 

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Remember those moments in your youth where one (or both) of your parents look at you and say " I can't wait…"?  I remember them. I remember when I stubbornly fought my Mom or snapped or or or and she would get a look about her that only now as a mother I can understand.  It's one that says "Just wait little girl your turn is gonna come and it is going to bite you in the ass….hard…"!

Well wait no more Mom. My time has come. It has come so fast and hard I almost didn't see it. Ok lets be honest I never wanted to admit it. 

Today I finally had to openly admit to Ben that Elise in fact was…i almost can't say it….just. like.me.

She is an easy going baby, until she's not.  I did not think stubbornness came in a package quite that small. She can be so even tempered, she has a smile that lights up her entire face (heck even her whole body) and she can lay her head into you in a way that makes just about anyone melt. But then it happens. She knows what she wants and she wants it 5 seconds BEFORE she knew she wanted it.  

See that seems easy enough to deal with right?  You can teach patience, and you can give her what she needs in the moment. But there is often a hitch that comes along with it.  Take for instance bath time a few nights ago. I was tubbing the girls so had my sleeves rolled up holding Elise in while Aubrey played around us.  Elise was happily playing with a toy I gave her. But then she spotted a different one she wanted. I noticed her reaching for it trying to grab it. SO, naturally I picked it up and handed it to her. She threw her body stiff as a board while yelling. I finally figured out she in fact wanted to get it herself…obviously at 6 months old she does not NEED help. She is apparently fully capable of doing it herself. 

I know what you are thinking..."Not that sweet face.."

This is really just one small example of The Elise Show. Here's another…

We are in the middle of a musical production. Last weekend was opening weekend. So we have a babysitter hired to be downstairs with her while we are in action.  She took to the babysitter pretty decently as long as she didn't look at her. OK I know lots of babies can be like this. BUT it gets better. She didn't want ANYONE to look at her. If anyone was so bold as to think making eye contact with her was a kind thing to do they quickly were informed otherwise. The funny thing is she is not always like this. You never know, one day she will be all "hey everyone look at me, talk to me…" then the next, well…

Ben told me "hon it's a good thing to know what you want. I am glad she is strong willed."  All I can do now is look at her and wait until the day she understands what karma is…

Until that time I will enjoy her for who she is a fiery, strong willed, smiley, snuggly, beautiful baby girl. 

*Note- I wrote this last night. And since then Elise has gotten a terrible, terrible cold so now I feel slightly guilty for complaining.

Beauty

Very recently I read a blog where the woman described why she chose to start telling her daughters that she was beautiful. Not just them, but she herself was also beautiful.  It really got me thinking. Sometimes thinking can be dangerous and I have yet to decide if this sent me down a dangerous path. 

Her general point in the end was that if she walked around talking about how ugly she was, or how terrible her saggy boobs were, I think you get the point, she realized that it would have an impact on her girls. That children really start out not seeing ugly or pretty. They learn ugly and pretty. And if they think once they hit 'Mom status' and they have saggy boobs would she want them to think they are ugly?

Anyways that was the general point of her post.  Now where this lead me….hang on this could get long! You've been warned!

Since I gave birth to Aubrey I have tried really hard not to say negative things about my body in front of her. I didn't want to have such a negative impact on her. Instead I want her to grow up knowing that even when her body starts to give way to gravity and some spots are softer then they once were, that she is still beautiful. But how can a preach that to her and have her truly truly believe it if I don't myself?  It's not like I waltz around looking at other women who have less then perfect bodies, or bone structure thinking "eeekk the ugly stick really got to work that day!"  I see so many women (a lot who are so close to me) with all different shapes and sizes and truly think they are extremely beautiful. 

Now here is where someone wants to step in and inform me that "beauty is not just about whats on the outside…etc.etc.etc."  Yes I know this, and agree. BUT it doesn't mean I don't vainly look at my body and want this or that to be different. 

Anywho. Then Elise came along. Now I have two little girls and this urge to have this different energy around them as they grow into young girls is really strong.  So that means I have some work to do. And I don't mean just lose the weight I want and sculpt the body I think I want. The mental space, in my opinion, is so much more important. 

So I spent today walking around wondering to myself at what point in my life did I decide my body was ugly? At what point did I decide that there was something wrong with it?  I had a really hard time trying to pinpoint any specific time. I have small memories of things said in school. But I can't even necessarily pin those comments to a face.  But there is one specific thing I remember being so distraught by.  

My sister Sarah and I were always really close growing up.  She bossed me around, we fought, we had fun all the good things sisters do. For many years when we were young a lot of people would ask if we were twins. And me, being the little sister, I really looked up to her. I wanted to be just like her. Anyway I remember that for a long time we wore the exact same size. This always made me happy, I looked at her and saw a skinny little thing that everyone thought was beautiful.  I think when I hit about grade7 (maybe 8) our sizes suddenly shifted. She stayed the same, and I am talking like a 5/6 and I went up to a…..wait for it…7/8!  GASP right!! 

Ok I know that that is laughable, but I only know that NOW!  At that point in time I was totally devastated. I remember being in a change room and realizing it and just melting. 

Looking back, even only as far as when I graduated…I would kill to have that body back.  But isn't that the way of it? When you have this mindset that your body is terrible, it's only when time and the beating you give it make it even worse that you realize what you once had. 

In the months since I have had Elise I have had some changes in the way I view my body. For instance I really quite love the fact I have hips and a more 'woman' shape. I wouldn't want to trade for Sarah's straight up and down boyish shape…sorry Sar…

So there are starting to be small victories in my mentality towards my body. Ya it's slow moving, ya I still have really hard days. But I have also had days where I finish getting ready and can look in the mirror and think "Hey you're not that bad looking!"

Please give that smiley lady up in the corner a click to cast a vote for me! Thanks!

Unexpected Gifts

Elise and I had a little adventure this week. I offered to help out and drive my sister to some doctor appointments and ended up being stuck in Edmonton. The roads were some kinda terrible. So, we did what any normal person would. We rented a hotel room, bought some essentials (this may or may not have included far too much chocolate), and ordered in pizza!  It actually ended up being a nice night and some time with my sister I normally would never get. 

Another benefit was I got a lot of one on one time with Elise.  What made the time even more focused is that I was not expecting it so I had no distractions. No kindle, no computer and a whole lot of time in an area of the hospital that had no service so my phone was out of the question.  This meant extreme focused time.

I was really blown away and grateful for the time. I discovered things about her that I maybe wasn’t fully present to. Yeah I probably noticed them, but didn’t appreciate them.

One thing that came to light was how much attention she gets. I was sitting in a hallway and (I am not exaggerating) literally every person that walked by had to stop and talk to her. One rare time I was even on the phone (I had to lean my head just so to talk) and the person still stopped and chatted to her. The best part she was totally putting on a show for people! This spot is usually completely taken over by Aubrey.  Which made me wonder, is Elise quiet when Aubrey is around or are we more aware of what Aubrey is doing because we can understand her?

I had a small flash of guilt thinking that I may just not pay attention to her and see that she is a little charmer.  I decided to set the guilt aside and continue enjoying my time with her.  Which then allowed me to see that she is really aware. Or seems to be.

What I mean by ‘aware’ is she really takes note of what is going on around her.  She watches people’s every move. And will even giggle at different things that happen around her that I don’t think all babies would even pay attention to. She gets a look in her eye that just makes me think she is really taking in everything around her. It’s this all business kind of a look.

This unexpected gifted time made me realize I always want to set time like that aside with each child.  A time where housework, phone calls, Internet, kindles etc. are all set aside, so that I can truly just enjoy and be there with each girl. 

Chronicles of a Belle Dress

Day 1 - I am in my element this little girl is eating me up. Best part we are actually IN Disneyland!!  There were multiple other Belle dresses, obvious posers. We clearly looked the most authentic and I am sure the old lady dressed as Belle that kids were taking pictures with was actually just paid to do it. Not very realistic (like us) if you ask me.

Day 6 -  Back in Canada…I didn't sign up for this nonsense!  My wearer is Belle…not Snow White, that chick digs the snow me not so much.

Day 8 - Dance class. Of course my wearer would take me to her dance class, where better to show off the way I can swish and sparkle then at a dance class?!  I truly shone. They way the light hit me just so really helped show that I truly am the only real Belle dress.

Day 9 - Pffttt…Halloween is for fakes and wannabes. Me and my wearer are clearly the real thing and did not take kindly to all the other "Belle's" flaunting about trying to steal our spotlight. Alas in the end I still concluded we were the only REAL Belle.

Day 10- Of course she should wear me again. Why my wearer's Mother would even think something else is more suitable is beyond me.

Day 11 - Ahhh this is the life I just continue to sparkle and shine more with each day.

Day 13- Hmmm…ok clearly these people have never heard of a weekend, or holiday, or break.

Day 15 - SOS….if you see this please help.

Day 17- No sign of a rescue. I am starting to see signs of wear. I hold my breath each time she scales the stairs I just know she is going to tear me, its only a matter of time!

Day 18 - All hope is gone. This wearer shows no signs of letting up...